contact policy

these days, it seems like there are people on the internet who want to talk to me or engage with my tweets. personally i can't understand this behavior - it seems very masochistic, but who am i to judge?

thing is, there are some things these people seem to do a lot that are really irritating or awkward or just plain tiring. so i'm writing this as a list of guidelines and warnings for people who want to have positive interactions with me or make a positive impression on me. personally i think a lot of this is just common netiquette, but it bears repeating. and i do have my fair share of idiosyncrasies.

  1. rule zero: you don't have to follow me or engage with me! at all! ever! nobody is forcing you to! if your reaction to anything here is "ugh you are WRONG AND BAD," just close the tab and get on with your life.
  2. the most important thing to remember: i have fibromyalgia. typing is painful for me, so i'm usually pretty low-key and quiet and i'm not going to respond to something if it's not worth that pain to me. i also am usually pretty laconic; please don't take this as i sign i'm irritated or that i dislike you/don't want to interact with you. it just hurts too much to be anything else.
  3. please don't expect enthusiasm from me. i'm a pretty reserved person and i don't get energetic or super emotive about things. and i find people who flail excitedly over every little thing that ever happens intensely tiring. by the same token i really have no time for fandom. there's a reason i quit tumblr.
  4. i'm not ever going to respond to you by dismissively telling you to "educate yourself" on social justice shit. if you have sincere questions about anything, i will do my best to answer them. i don't care how weird or ignorant they are; as long as you're respectful, i'm not gonna be an ass about it.
  5. i don't use block lists (too many people i know have illegitimately wound up on them), but i rarely hesitate to block people. if your account looks like a spambot, i'll block & report you for spam on sight. try not to fail the turing test!
  6. i don't like men. that doesn't mean i hate you all categorically, it just means that if you're a dude, it is going to take a long time for me to trust you. if you don't think that's fair, and you don't want to put in the extra effort to be on good terms with me, the great news is - you don't have to! twitter is full of people, go find someone else to follow.
  7. i appreciate direct communication. if you have something to say to me, say it. don't dance around the point or waste my time with filler or verbal noise.
  8. please be sincere. sarcasm is annoying and tiring.
  9. if you are going to say something to me, please first ask yourself "am i contributing something worthwhile?" i'm not interested in jokes ten other people have already made, verbal noise, and outdated memes.
  10. willfully misinterpreting me is going to get you blocked. i don't care if you're trying to make a joke.
  11. verbal tics make me cringe.
  12. i really really hate nerd culture.
  13. it makes me very uneasy to be followed by programmers. CS is kinda Dudebro Central. if you're a guy in tech and you follow me, i would honestly appreciate some reassurance that you're not a posturing brogrammer.
  14. i was formally trained as a linguist. i'm happy to talk about the field and answer people's questions. i'm not happy to indulge your amateur rehashing of the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis. and prescriptivism of any kind for any reason is a great way to get me to block you.
  15. please don't link videos at me. it sets off my anxiety for some goddamn reason, and my internet connection is crappy for watching videos anyway.
  16. don't DM me. i'm not comfortable with private conversations with the vast majority of people. this doesn't mean i hate you or think you're sketchy or anything - there are people i adore who i am completely freaked out by getting DMs from. it just has to do with past abuse and anxiety problems. (yes, i'm a goddamn mess, how could you tell)
  17. please don't try to flirt with me. i'm really not into it, it feels awkward and invasive, and i just don't develop feelings for people over the internet.
  18. i'm really not into nostalgia. 99% of everything that has ever existed was shit and i want to help build a better, more modern culture, not exalt the past.
  19. if most of what you tweet about is video games or music, i will not follow you back. this doesn't mean i don't like you, just that your twitter feed bores me to tears.
  20. i do not like satire or parody. satire is a gaping art-shaped hole in culture and it is not worthy of celebration. if you are unable to enjoy anything sincere or take anything seriously, we have nothing to say to each other.
  21. i'm willing to have friendly discussions with people. i'm NOT interested in arguing. i'm especially not interested in arguing with people who don't bother to research the meaning of the words they're using in context. if you try to redefine words or otherwise warp reality just so you can feel you're right, i will block you on sight because i've dealt with enough gaslighting for one lifetime.